Brothers Gotta Hug
I had all these nice thoughts collected about McLaren's book that I wanted to talk about, and I even tipped my hand with yesterday's brief thoughts. (And I'm most certainly coming back to it; this is only a brief diversion.) I made the bad decision of taking a brief spin around the blogosphere before typing up my thoughts, and now they're gone. To be more precise, they've been pushed aside by other bothersome things. I suppose to let you into my brain, I need to first take a step back and tell a bit more of my story. Some of this I don't know if I've ever confessed publically before, so this is a big deal for me (inadvertent Finding Nemo quote notwithstanding). Here goes:
I am a recovering fundamentalist.
Ok, that was good. I feel much better now, having that out in the open. It's true, though - I grew up with a brand of Christianity that would make Falwell proud. It was an odd sort of fundamentalism, though - some bizarre mix of hyper-conservative politics, literal biblical interpretation, Bill Bright's patented evangelistic methods, and Pentecostalism. It's a wonder I'm sane, really. But undergirding it all was the sense that I was so damn right about everything, that everyone else was destined for the flames of hell because they didn't think like me or vote like me or act like me.
I was a complete jerk, I think. It's a wonder that I had any friends.
The fortunate thing about my story is that my brand of faith didn't survive contact with reality. It's easy to be angry about gay people until you meet someone who is gay and learn that you respect him, for example. My perspectives, as anyone who drops by here with any regularity can probably attest, have undergone a radical revision. It saved my faith, I think. To come to the point where I could begin to picture a God who isn't always angry was huge, the sort of step that makes you want to break out the fine cigars or the imported beer or something.
So I suppose it frustrates me a bit to read people who say that people who think in the same direction that I do are bad for the gospel, that we distort the truth and are at best heretical and at worst collaborators with the Enemy. And here is where I must be most cautious - it's at these times that the seduction of fundamentalism begins to rear its ugly head. I most certainly do not want to fall into a neo-fundamentalism, doggedly defending my limited perspective on limited perspectives and angrily bashing angry bashers. But like an addict, I keep mentally coming back to the same place - I'm right and you're wrong, so shut up and listen to me!
Is it too much to hope that those who follow Jesus - myself first and foremost - could learn to live and love and forgive and fight like Him? What would it take to find common ground, so that we could stop questioning each other's commitment to Christ and start speaking truth in love?
I love the way you describe this journey! Having come from a similar background I know it is a long journey to changing how we think. I lov what you say that this brand of face didn't survive meeting reality! And isn't reality what being followers of Jesus is all about?
Thanks for sharing and when you remember...write down those profound thoughts that disappeared for a bit.
Posted by stephanie on April 26, 2005 01:03 AMMy journey started differently, but ends up in the same place, brother. And I too get more than fractionally annoyed - both by the "You're in bed with the enemy!" crowd and the "Oh, he must be gay, if he believes that crap" crowd.
A wise man once told me that one of the greatest transitions in spiritual formation is from black-&-white, us-n-them, either/or thinking to a "both/and" understanding - both saint AND sinner, both doomed and redeemed, and all of us here together - left, right, blue, red, straight, gay - sinners all, redeemed once and for all.
It's good to read you, today. I needed to hear that, and I needed to say that, I guess.
Posted by Steve F. on April 26, 2005 08:20 AMSteph - actually, in rereading what I wrote, this leads quite nicely into those thoughts, so more to come on that!
Steve - reminds me of how Jesus talks about the Kingdom: it's now but it's coming, it's here but it's on the way, it's begun and it will grow until it subsumes all other kingdoms...
It's hard to live in that tension, but you're right, it was the transition that was most significant for me personally. Thanks for your thoughts - I need to hear that as well!
Posted by ScottB on April 26, 2005 10:06 AMHeh I can see 'fundamentalist anonymous' groups catching on!! YOu should take a look at Churchless Faith (Jamieson) some really interesting insights.
Thanks for sharing this scott
Posted by Gordon on April 26, 2005 01:02 PMyessiree, you got it. that about sums it up. thankfully now when someone asks me about my journey, i don't need to re-write it. i'll just say.. "what Scott said. here, look it up"
peace my friend. well said, well said.
Posted by so i go on April 26, 2005 01:03 PMWhat I think it really comes down to is the humility to continually return to Scripture and draw from the teachings, exhortation, and admonitions therein, and ask the Holy Spirit to help us live truly as Christ did.
The problem with most churches is getting into a rut of a mindset or ideology, be it left or right, that is centered on some propositions that probably arose from some set of historic circumstances which exist no more.
But God's word is eternal, it is timeless, and if we govern ourselves by the Truth, and speak and live it in the love of Christ, then we will show a challenging but loving message to the world regarding sin, judgment, mercy, grace, and the peace and joy that come through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Posted by Ken Shepherd on April 26, 2005 04:15 PMGordon - thanks for the tip; I've heard that one mentioned elsewhere as well. I'll add it to the (growing) list...
Jeff - glad I could save some time. ;)
Ken - well said; I think sometimes we forget that we know in part and as you say we should be submitting ourselves to the story rather than subjugating the story to ourselves. Thanks for your thoughts!
Posted by ScottB on April 27, 2005 08:41 AMI know how you feel. Thanks for sharing your struggle.
Posted by Jared Coleman on April 28, 2005 08:26 AM